Sunday, February 3, 2013
I tend to joke around with almost everyone I meet, so I asked him what it would cost to upgrade to first class. He informed me that it was 44 bucks, but would be close to 70 with my bag fees. I laughed and said, “You would have had me at 44, but lost me at 70. Don't buy back the sale.” He laughed along with me and handed me my ticket with my middle seat assignment.
Resigned to my fate of sitting in between two men that loved the Pirates so much they would travel to Florida to participate in a fantasy camp, I went through the rest of the motions of airport travel. In security, the man behind me complimented me on my choice of socks, which reinforced my policy that when it comes to fashion, it’s all in the details. I had a brief lunch at Chili’s with my boss and his wife during which we tried to download movies for the plane on our iPads. She wanted “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and I wanted “Pitch Perfect,” but the wifi was too slow and the estimated time to download was 408 hours, which we certainly did not have. I was pissed because I got new Beats by Dre headphones and I wanted to show them off to the baseball fans on the plane.
My contingency plan was to grab a bag of Twizzlers and do a sweep of every trashy magazine on the rack. 20 bucks later, I held a treasure trove of Kardashian, Britney Spears and Leann Rimes gossip. Heaven!
As I approached the gate, I heard the announcer say, “Tiddy Ferguson, can you please report to the ticket counter?”
Ugh. This flight was overbooked and this lady was going to tell me I was getting booted off the plane. I trudged up to the desk with a frown on my face. She handed me a new ticket and said, “Tiddy, we are giving you a complimentary upgrade to first class today!”
OMG! What a nice surprise! The guy at the check in had hooked me up and completely made my day. I stuck my tongue out at my boss and boarded the plane. An older gentleman clad in Pirates gear sat next to me and greeted every other baseball fan with glee as they walked down the aisle. After everyone was seated, he proceeded to take advantage of the free first class beverages with intensity. I’m never one to judge someone’s alcohol consumption, but I will say this was impressive. It was a rare occasion that I did not feel like drinking, so I just ate my Twizzlers and read about what a “See You Next Tuesday” Kim Kardashian’s mother is to her children. Any other day, I would have been boozing it up with my first class companion.
When we got off of the plane, my boss informed me that I had been seated next to a famous former baseball player (I don’t remember his name). Whoever he was, I hope he had a ride home from the airport.
I was tired when I got back, but missed Mister Fergs and Biddy, so I unpacked and made the one hour trip to Seven Springs. It wasn’t snowing when I left home, but when I got close to the resort, it was near-blizzard conditions. I have all-wheel drive, which I have come to find out is not amazing in the snow. As I climbed the mountain at 20 mph with a line of ten cars behind me, my car hit a patch of ice and did a 360 into oncoming traffic, which was an equally long line of cars. Holy shit, that was the longest and scariest moment of my life. Jesus, take the wheel!
He took the wheel because I am not at all a good driver but managed to steer the car out of the tailspin and get back onto my side of the road. I was shaking and disoriented as I started driving again, when I heard someone lay on their horn. Seriously????
I made it to the condo, literally parked my car in a snow bank and collapsed inside. I handed my keys to Mister Fergs and told him he would have to figure it out. I had nothing left.
I got a good night’s sleep and now I’m going to take Biddy skiing in the fresh powder that almost cost me my life last night. We are going to leave this afternoon and go to Mark and Jenny’s for what we are billing as “the most pretentious Super Bowl party ever.” Mark and I were both social chairs for our sorority/fraternity in college and still tend to make every gathering into a themed event. We are going to have steak, lobster and champagne. First class.