Sunday, April 17, 2011

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

After a long and eventful trip to North Carolina, Biddy and I are back to the cold, gray, rainy reality that is Pittsburgh.

Unfortunately, the conditions down south weren’t much better during our stay. When we arrived, a black cloud immediately settled over the house—in the form of weather and illness. What began as a marginally painful sore throat quickly blossomed into a full-blown strep infection that settled into my sinus cavity. As the rain poured outside, I spent the majority of the first week on the couch with a bloody nose and zero energy or personality. 

There’s no mystery as to where I picked up the infection. My daughter, although seemingly harmless, is a notorious carrier of some of the most miserable cold and flu causing germs in existence. Over the past year, we have all suffered through countless rounds of illness and boxes of Advil Cold and Sinus. She’s definitely worth it, but I’m looking forward to the day when our immune systems finally adjust.

This time, I was not the only lucky recipient. The timing sucked, not only because we were there on vacation, but also to attend my Aunt Willow’s wedding at the end of the trip. Now she was sick, the groom was sick, and so were the bridesmaids and the wedding singer. There was so much pressure in my face. My teeth hurt, my head hurt and the only thing that relieved the pain was alcohol. So we drank and drank. And when we couldn’t drink anymore, we all went on antibiotics.

That finally did the trick. If only we had known sooner! Once I was back on my feet, I was able to accomplish the things I had planned during my stay. One of these things was laser hair removal. As it turns out, my Aunt Prissy is a nurse practitioner at a gynecology office that features aesthetics & laser treatments.

I love the idea of permanent hair removal. To me, not having to worry about waxing or shaving again is equivalent to when I had Lasik surgery and no longer had to bother with contacts. It’s that big of a deal. However, the results are not as immediate as Lasik. You have to go about six times, six weeks apart to achieve hairlessness. I’m totally willing to put in the time and energy to accomplish this goal.

I’m not going to come out and say what I had lasered, but it rhymes with cubes. Surprisingly, it was not awkward to get the treatment from Aunt Prissy for several reasons. Number one, she performs countless pelvic exams a day, so she has seen a lot of vaginas. Number two, she’s very cool and not judgmental, which I really like about her. She was professional and didn’t make me feel weird at all. Number three, I’m much less modest about that whole area since I had a baby.

Since you have to wear goggles during the treatment and can’t see a thing, I’m not totally sure whether she was lasering off my hair or shooting me in the crotch with a BB gun. I really couldn’t tell the difference. The procedure is painful, but so is waxing. The pain is temporary (takes about 20 minutes) and the results are permanent. In six weeks I’m going back for more!

Afterwards, my bikini line was red and not anywhere near beach ready, which was fine because it was cool and windy. However, it was nice enough to take Biddy to the park and to the beach and she loved both! From the moment her feet hit the sand, it was very apparent that she is a natural beach bunny. We had to keep her from running into the water! See for yourself below in a video and photo montage Mister Ferguson put together to document her outdoor activity.

Since this post is crazy long and I have a lot to say about the wedding festivities (including the bachelorette party), I’m going to continue with part II tomorrow. Until then, check out some updates I have made to my side bar. You can now get Tiddy delivered to your inbox and also check out some of my favorite blogs!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Something Old, Something New

Despite the fact that only has two public followers and zero of you mofos comment on my posts (READ please start commenting on my posts), I am continually shocked to see that an average of 900 people read my blog monthly. The beauty of (the program I use to create this Web site) is that I can see exactly how many readers I have, if they entered the site from a referring URL or what they searched for on Google that led them to Tiddy.

Sadly (or not), the top Google searches are the following:

big tiddys
girls tiddys and but
girls tiddys

If you were looking for porn on Google and you somehow found this site because you can’t spell “titty” correctly, WELCOME! I’m not judging—I’m happy to have you.

Since I’ve started blogging again, I’ve started following other blogs by people who share my common interests—running, mommy-ing, clothes and drinking. I also follow a blog by a very dear high school friend who was both my neighbor and homecoming date. He is a triathlon competitor and the posts detailing his workouts make my marathon training seem like a very pathetic joke. You can find his blog here. Read it when you want to feel like a total lard ass. I’m proud of you, Millhouse.

A blog I have followed for years is skippyhaha, which I stumbled upon through a now defunct site called which sold incredible t-shirts, both new and vintage. Over the years, I have learned fascinating tidbits of info from skippyhaha. For example, did you ever notice that there is a white arrow pointing right between the e & the x in the FedEx logo? Now you know.

In addition to providing entertaining trivia and insights, skippyhaha sells vintage t-shirts on the Internets. Not the poser vintage t-shirts you can find at virtually any store in the mall, but kick-ass shirts that were actually made back in the day. She sent me an AMAZING “Wilderness Waterski” shirt from 1981. They just don’t make them like this anymore. I cannot wait to wear this at the lake this summer while I watch Mister Ferguson wakeboard--from the back of the boat with a beer in my hand.

Thank you skippyhaha for my new favorite shirt! Check out skippy’s blog here and her vintage t-shirt store here.
I also want to send out a humongous thank-you to my girl (and adorable mommy-to-be) AR for sending me a fun surprise in the mail when I returned home from North Carolina this week. I love, love, love these New Balance shoes! I feel like they were made just for me.

More on my trip to North Carolina in the next blog. For now (back by popular demand) I’m going to leave you with another round of actual status updates from my Facebook news feed. My Facebook friends never disappoint!

1. Finding an all natural girl in OC is like spotting sasquatch. It’s either terribly dyed hair, covered in terrible tattoos, have random jewels staple gunned into her face or other body parts or a fantastic combo of all 3. To each their own but I'd rather date pinhead from Hellraiser than some of the talent out here.

2. Lady on the treadmill wearing shades would be pretty lame if she didn't just run like 20 miles.

3. I’m looking for a small, blue, Hello Kitty hair bow... not a blue one with Hello Kitty on it, but one that looks like the one Hello Kitty wears. If you have seen it for sale somewhere please let me know :-) Thank you!

4. Been hunting a racoon(s) most of the far not winning the battle, but..."the only good varmint is a dead varmint, and to beat the varmint you have to think like a varmint...." I will remove the unwanted houseguests, oh yes, I will remove them!!!

5. My nice peaceful neighborhood has been compromised by what appear to be about 10 college freshmen on spring break. It looks like Akon, Young Jeezy and Chris Brown formed a band with Panic at the Disco and are using my neighbors house as a recording studio. If that's todays college man I fear for Americas future.

6. You’re invited to my birthday at Chocolate City. There will b a photograher on site so please Glam up for my party. I will send out the password the day before the party...letz keep it sexy.

7. When you make it difficult for me to stalk your Facebook page, I can't gather enough information to talk about you with others. Work with me, people.

8. Ran into a former co-worker last night. She said I was still pretty but gained weight. Ummm... thanks?