Back to school, back to school. To prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I’ve got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight! --Adam Sandler, Billy Madison
Well kids, summer is over and school is back in session. It makes me want to run out and get a new Trapper Keeper! Unfortunately for Tiddy (and probably most of you), my life will not be any different tomorrow. I will still go to work as I did all summer! I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t tell you how much I long to be back in high school. First day back…fresh from cheerleading camp…scoping out all of the hottie football players…wondering who would ask me to homecoming that year! Just thinking about it makes me a little sad, but I don’t dwell on the past. I know somewhere, in an American high school, there is a budding young Tiddy Ferguson clad in a white oxford Polo and short jean shorts. And she is shaking her ass all the way down the hall to chemistry class.
While I am being nostalgic, I have to tell you that Mister Ferguson turned 30 years old today! It seems like just yesterday I met him at a keg party at Mountaineer Court in Morgantown. Picture this: It was 1999. The first home football game of the season. We tailgated all day in the Pit. DJ WOW got a keg after the game and we all went to his apartment to keep the party going. I had gotten a huge rip in my GAP cargo jeans (IT WAS 1999) and my ass was hanging out. At this point in the day, I didn’t care. I had been drinking since 7:30 that morning. I got in line for a beer and when I was finished I turned around to hand the tap to the person behind me. What I saw was a total piece of ass! I said, “Who are you? You’re hot!”
He told me his name was Mister Ferguson. Not only were his eyelashes a mile long, he was a charming fellow! Needless to say, I was completely strung out on this boy for the rest of the school year. Nine years later, we are married and parenting a 16 pound yorkie named Nacho. Isn’t it funny how you find love when you least expect it?
One more thing before I go. I found a VERY valuable resource this weekend. If you are at a restaurant and want to know the nutritional content of what you are about to eat, text the restaurant and menu item to DIET 1. You will get a response with calorie count, carbs, protein, etc. immediately! It really works! You heard it here first.
Well kids, summer is over and school is back in session. It makes me want to run out and get a new Trapper Keeper! Unfortunately for Tiddy (and probably most of you), my life will not be any different tomorrow. I will still go to work as I did all summer! I would be remiss, however, if I didn’t tell you how much I long to be back in high school. First day back…fresh from cheerleading camp…scoping out all of the hottie football players…wondering who would ask me to homecoming that year! Just thinking about it makes me a little sad, but I don’t dwell on the past. I know somewhere, in an American high school, there is a budding young Tiddy Ferguson clad in a white oxford Polo and short jean shorts. And she is shaking her ass all the way down the hall to chemistry class.
While I am being nostalgic, I have to tell you that Mister Ferguson turned 30 years old today! It seems like just yesterday I met him at a keg party at Mountaineer Court in Morgantown. Picture this: It was 1999. The first home football game of the season. We tailgated all day in the Pit. DJ WOW got a keg after the game and we all went to his apartment to keep the party going. I had gotten a huge rip in my GAP cargo jeans (IT WAS 1999) and my ass was hanging out. At this point in the day, I didn’t care. I had been drinking since 7:30 that morning. I got in line for a beer and when I was finished I turned around to hand the tap to the person behind me. What I saw was a total piece of ass! I said, “Who are you? You’re hot!”
He told me his name was Mister Ferguson. Not only were his eyelashes a mile long, he was a charming fellow! Needless to say, I was completely strung out on this boy for the rest of the school year. Nine years later, we are married and parenting a 16 pound yorkie named Nacho. Isn’t it funny how you find love when you least expect it?
One more thing before I go. I found a VERY valuable resource this weekend. If you are at a restaurant and want to know the nutritional content of what you are about to eat, text the restaurant and menu item to DIET 1. You will get a response with calorie count, carbs, protein, etc. immediately! It really works! You heard it here first.
No comments:
Post a Comment